Changes

Hello all who still read this!! I'm back again! And I have so much to tell you! A lot of things have changed since May 12, 2021. There have been both good things & bad things that happened but I've learned from these things. I unfortunately became single, I fortunately began living by myself, I've completely changed my diet, I've lost a BUNCH of weight, I've obtained a second job & last but certainly not least, I became a student with Purdue Global University - I'll officially begin my graduate classes September 22, 2021. So there have been a lot of ups & downs but I'm holding in there.

To begin with, let me briefly clarify something, I became single due to my own choice, not because he broke up with me, not because he made me, not because I hate him, our end goals did not align & that's okay. Sometimes that's how it is and trust me when I say it was one of the hardest decisions of my life because I would have done anything for that boy but I didn't feel he would do the same - again priorities & goals were not lined up. Don't get me wrong, I still love him but I'm kind of glad I'm single. Not for the reasons you would think though, I'm glad I'm single because I can just step back & breathe for a second, I can start to learn to love myself - that's something else that's changed, I'll go into that later - & while in a relationship, I didn't feel like I even knew myself. I never focused on me, I always focused on him because when I love, I love with all of my being. Not even all my heart, all of my entire being. My heart, my body, my soul, my mind, everything. I care too much about the other person & not about myself. Honestly, while I was with him I loathed myself entirely. I felt like I didn't do enough to make him happy, I didn't help him enough to de-stress him, I couldn't make him smile often enough, I couldn't alleviate him pain & I was so angry at myself for not being able to do any of that for the person I loved most in the world but I am trying to get to know myself again & so far, I'm liking what I do know about myself. I just wished I would put up firmer boundaries.

I recently began living by myself! I live on my own with my dog & honestly, I'm so happy. I can do things at my pace, I'm only cleaning up after me & my dog, I'm able to put things wherever I want without fear that they'll be moved or eaten or lost. I can decorate how I want. I can cook! I can meal prep! I can buy groceries & put them in my fridge! I have my own bathroom! It's great, don't get me wrong, it does get a bit lonely from time to time but I've got Myla to keep me company & she's a really good listener. I can sleep how I want & on a decent sized bed! I sleep on a Queen when I was rocking a twin before - let me just say one word, "ouch" - and it is so nice! I didn't hate the people I've lived with, I'm just so happy to have my own space!

I've completely changed my diet. This one was completely unexpected & it's lasted a lot longer than I expected but I am okay with it. My new diet consists of Plant-Based foods for the majority of eating habits. This isn't to eat that I don't occasionally eat processed foods or things of that nature from time to time I just try to avoid it as much as possible. This is for a few different reasons, the first being it always made my stomach uneasy, processed foods, cheeses (Also lactose intolerant), dairy, meat, fish. It always made me feel bloated or unsatisfied. I don't eat meat, I don't eat dairy, I don't eat hardly anything that has "enriched white flour" or "enriched wheat flour" or "Canola Oil" or "Olive Oil", & I don't eat fish. Honestly, it doesn't bother me, people told me that I'm going to start craving meat, I haven't craved meat even once since I've started this, yeah it smells good but I don't feel like i have to have it. I'm content with eating like this. There are multiple reasons I do it but I can assure you that none of them involve "save the cows" or whatever (no offense to those that are vegan & chant that). A lot of it is because of health reasons. My mother recently watched a documentary about the foods us as Americans eat & how unhealthy it is & how it's actually making us sick. I was a little surprised by not too terribly surprised. I knew something was off about our food. Did you know that there are actually chemicals injected into a majority of meats to make us crave that meat more? Even "organic" meat. I've a whole story about pigs but I'll save that for another rant. Organic products that come from farms that mass produce are not as organic as we think, I mean honestly, how does something 100% organic meat stay for so long in a freezer? Because of the perseveratives that are injected into it. If you lived on a farm & got your own beef, you couldn't keep it in the freezer for as long as you could this store bought stuff without it going bad or getting freezer burn. Just take a look at the ingredients in your food next time you get the chance, trust me, you'll be surprised. In the documentary my mother watched, several people changed their diet and took out meat & their illnesses (diabetes, asthma, cancer even) got better. They got better from not eating meat!! Can you believe that?? There's also some buzz about whether or not eggs actually do anything for you. As far as I've heard, they're just cholesterol. Although, I keep hearing the argument come up that they have protein but how can we actually know when the government has a finger in everything we do & hear? (Again, another rant for another time). It was hard at first but as I kept doing it, it got easier & easier. I'll occasionally make exceptions like at work when they order vegetarian friendly foods & not vegan friendly foods. Or when I'm invited over to someone's house for dinner & they already have a meal planned. Or if I'm going camping & all my clean- eating food gets ruined, I'll take a hot dog or something processed but as soon as I get back home - it's back to the basics. Granted, I'm not going to continue to make an exception if said individual continues to invite me over for burgers or hot dogs or beef tacos & not offer anything clean-eating friendly after I've already informed them. That's just rude at that point, you're just being disrespectful to my eating choices.

I've lost a BUNCH of weight! I am so excited to boast about this, about 3 years ago, I was about 175 pounds at 5 feet & three inches tall. A year later I'm stuck at 165 & three months ago I couldn't get off 157 pounds, 2 months ago I was 155 & plateaued & now I'm 144 pounds & still losing! I haven't been going to the gym really, I've just been changing how I eat. I portion control - which extremely hard for a lot of people - and taking in a hell of a lot more veggies & I can almost fit comfortably in a Juniors' size 9 pants when before I could barely fit comfortably in a juniors size 15 pants! I try to move around more at work but that's been difficult but it seems that the veggies are working! I'm beyond excited & my goal is to fit into at least a women's size 6 pants. That would be ideal.

I've obtained a second job. Call me crazy but that work-flow life got me going! I make pretty good money at my primary job as an RBT (Registered Behavior Technician) but who's going to say no to some extra money if I've got time? Surely not me. I haven't officially started yet but I'm hoping that gets going soon! I'll be part time at this second job - which is fine - and be able to make some extra money.

Last but certainly not least - I've officially become a Purdue Global University student obtaining a Masters degree in Behavioral Psychology as a Behavior Analyst - which has been one of my dreams for years! I don't start until September 22, 2021 but I'm ready to buckle down & give it my all! I will not let a Statistics Class get me down this time! I will keep on striving until i get it! Even if it means I have to pull a few all-nighters!

I also wanted to let you all know that unfortunately my self- love (learning to love yourself) meetings have been postponed or canceled due to my friend not being able to attend anymore because of her job but maybe I can go into it again once I get everything settled! We shall see.

This was a lot to post but now you're updated! I'll try to keep it up but I can't promise anything! I love you all!